Starting a conversation

An evangelical Christian polling firm called Barna Group reported that Sharing Faith Is Increasingly Optional to Christians, in their research they found that in 1993, 89% of Christians who had shared their faith agreed that this is a responsibility of every Christian. Today, they found that just 64% of Christian would agree with this – this is a 25-point difference.

A study by LifeWay Research, a leading evangelical firm, found that 80% of regular churchgoers believe they have a personal responsibility to share their faith. Of these, three-quarters feel confident in their ability to communicate the gospel effectively. However, despite this conviction, 61% haven’t shared how to become a Christian with anyone in the past six months. This indicates a growing trend where many Christians no longer view sharing the good news as a personal responsibility.

If Christians feel comfortable sharing their faith and recognise it as their responsibility as disciples, why do so few share the gospel?

Christians are becoming more and more reluctant to share their faith as the years go on. The cultural trends of secularism and pluralism have not only contributed to a society that is less interested in religion, but also to religious people being less interested in sharing the faith. In favour of not wanting to be ‘awkward’, and fearing rejection or persecution, we often maintain our comfortable silences, convincing ourselves that someone else will share the Gospel with our friends, families and colleagues. However as according to the Evangelical Alliance UK – an evangelical Christian organisation based in the UK and founded in 1846, “the vast majority of people who end up becoming followers of Jesus do so, humanly speaking, in the context of a friendship with someone who already loves God.”

It’s not difficult to be enthusiastic about sharing your faith—until you realise that those conversations don’t start themselves. Here are some helpful tips to help you better strike up conversations about faith! 

1. Move past your own assumptions

When we think about starting conversations with people about faith, we often bring preconceived notions about what they believe about God. For example, you might assume that someone who has never attended a church service has no interest in spiritual matters. However, the opposite is often true.

A study by LifeWay Research on whether the ‘Unchurched Will Talk About Faith‘ found that 80% of non-Christians are open to discussing religion and the meaning of life. Statistically, this suggests that more people are interested in faith conversations than not. If you play the odds, the person you’re sitting across from is more likely hoping you’ll bring it up.

2. Ask questions 

Jesus’s interactions with people serve as a perfect template for evangelism. Of the 25 direct questions He was asked, Jesus responded with a question 21 times, showing His preference for genuine conversation over simply providing authoritative answers.

A prime example of this is found in Luke 10, where Jesus engages in conversation with a Jewish scholar.

Questions show that we are all looking for answers to the big questions of life:

When the Jewish scholar asked Jesus ‘What must I do to inherit eternal life?” in Luke 10:25, Jesus responds with a question, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”

Questions go straight to the heart:

After the Jewish man successfully hurdled Jesus’s first question regarding the law, 

Jesus’s second question, “Who was a neighbour to this man?” (Luke 10:36), shifted the conversation from a theoretical discussion to a matter of the heart, exposing the Jewish man’s prejudices. By asking thoughtful questions, Jesus opened up a genuine conversation about everyday life rather than theoretic or theological discussion.

Questions open up a genuine conversation:

Jesus’ first question was a very open one that allowed the man to answer in a range of different ways. Only as the conversation progressed did Jesus transition to a question that required a one-word answer. To begin with, however, he tried to simply draw the man into a meaningful dialogue.

When sharing the Gospel, it’s essential to ask thoughtful questions and give the other person time to answer, allowing the conversation to be organic and to unfold naturally. Nobody likes to be pitched something. Don’t pitch Jesus. Just share about Him. 

Here are some helpful questions to ask:

1. What are your spiritual beliefs?
2. Who is Jesus to you? What do you think was the point of his life and teachings?
3. What do you think happens after we die? Why do you think that?
4. Have you ever had any sort of personal encounter with God?
5. If you could sit with Jesus over a cup of coffee and ask him anything, what would you ask him? Why?
6. If what you were believing were not true would you want to know

Listen well: 

Listening is crucial but often overlooked in evangelism. It’s easy to hear, but harder to truly listen. What often happens is that we end up hearing to respond as opposed to hearing to listen. Engaging conversations are never one-sided. Show you value the other person by listening to their story. Allow the interaction to be a conversation, not a sermon. 

Listen more than you talk:

As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said, ‘We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.’ You have two ears and one mouth. Listening can often be a greater help than speaking. Jesus spent a lot of time listening to the needs and problems of others. 

Bonhoeffer echoes this sentiment: “Just as love to God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them.”

James 1:19 reinforces this:

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”. It seems easy enough but it is something most people struggle with. We seem to do the exact opposite of James’s warning, we are quick to anger and refuse to listen.

Take a lesson from the book of proverbs, only the fool “gives an answer before he hears” (Proverbs 18:13),

Allow room to reflect:

Reflection is a powerful tool in conversation. It’s simple; all you need to do is repeat what the other person said to clarify their meaning, such as, “So you feel ______” or “So you are struggling with _______”. Then you can pause and this creates space for them to further explore their thoughts.

Good listening requires patience. As Dunn laments, “Unfortunately, many of us are too preoccupied with ourselves when we listen.” Instead of concentrating on what is being said in order to understand, we often focus on deciding what to say in response or mentally rejecting the other person’s point of view. It is the fool who “takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Proverbs 18:2)

To foster better conversations, consider these strategies from James Rochford:

Ask Clarifying questions:

Try and summarise their view. Don’t try to disagree with it—just try to understand them first.

Ask Echoing questions: 

Repeat back what you’re hearing. This is not patronising if it is done right. It helps the person know that you’re listening to them. “So, it seems that you’re saying __________. Am I hearing you correctly?”

Ask Wondering questions:

“I’m wondering why you feel ______________. Could you help me understand that?”

Ask Reminding questions:

You might see someone weeks later and revisit past conversations. You can open up a spiritual conversation by saying, “I remember a couple of weeks ago you mentioned _____________. I’ve been thinking about it since then… Can you help me understand that better?”

3. Avoid clichés and Christianise

Nothing is more confusing to those outside the faith than hearing religious jargon such as “ the blood of the Lamb,” “born again,” or “sanctification”. Non-believers rarely understand what these terms mean. The further apart we are culturally, the less likely we are to share the same mental imagery for shared vocabulary. For instance, the word “pants” conjures different images depending on whether you grew up in British or American culture.

The same cultural gap exists between Christians and non-believers. So when we use terms like “fellowship,” “conversion,” or “communion,” the message we intend to share may be vastly different from what the other person understands. To bridge this gap, it’s important to use simple, clear language.

4. Be honest and authentic

When talking about Jesus, be honest about what you don’t know or the challenges you have faced as a believer. A conversation with a friend about Jesus is not the time to stuff your doubts, pain, disappointments, or anger. Friends understand that a relationship with God is similar to a relationship with anyone else—it can be confusing at times.

Your humility and authenticity might be refreshing for your friends and can create space for them to feel that their faith does not need to be perfect. A newly believing friend recently told me, “I’m so glad you said you have doubts. I was afraid to mention mine because it seems like everyone else’s faith at church is so certain.”

5. Success doesn’t depend on you

As we covered in the previous topic, the Holy Spirit is responsible for changing people’s hearts; all we have to “do” is share the gospel in faith. Remember, “The best gospel presentation is the one given.” Our duty as heralds is not to convert a sinner into a saint, but to faithfully present the Gospel and plant seeds. Bill Bright put it well: “Success in witnessing is simply taking the initiative to share Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit, and leaving the results to God.”

Paul emphasises this in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7,

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.” 

The most encouraging aspect of evangelism is knowing it doesn’t rely on your skill, personality, or vast Bible knowledge (Mark 4:26-27). But rather it’s the Spirit of God, who uses the Word of God, as told by the people of God—and all of this is done for the glory of God.

6. Disciples, not decisions

The aim of evangelism is not to just get someone to make a quick decision on the side of the road to accept Jesus but to make a disciple – thats is, someone who is committed to following Christ. While the decision to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour is vital and is the most important decision someone will make in their life, our priority in evangelism should be to foster long-term, lasting change and growth.

When we present people with the Gospel, we ought to look beyond just getting people into heaven. Our focus should also be on helping them live and navigate the joys and the hardships of the here and now. It is about helping people grow in their relationship with Christ and equipping them to live fruitful and effective lives.

This process takes time. A conversation about faith is just the beginning, it may take days, months or even years before someone decides to follow Jesus. What follows is a lifelong commitment to making them a disciple of Jesus.