As a Christian, it can occasionally feel that there is a long list of things that we can’t participate in. Whether it’s programs that we would like to watch or places we would love to attend, there is potential to be apprehensive as to what a Christian can engage in. In current culture, there appears to be greater emphasis on freedom in Christ and this is great news. Christianity should not merely be viewed as a religion that tells you what you can’t do without declaring all the things you now can. However, have we misunderstood what this freedom allows us to do? And are we using this freedom to engage in activities we ought not to because we are worried we will miss out on the latest trend?

Cool is a poor barometer

Trip Lee speaking at the Q conference gave a talk on why Christians shouldn’t be cool. He argues that ‘what is cool’ is a poor barometer to judge things by since what is deemed as cool is always changing. Instead, Trip Lee proclaims that we should choose reverence over what is cool, that is, to pursue holiness the standard that never changes. The danger of pursuing what is cool is that we negate discerning whether what we want to do is actually good. Whilst there is a particular gift of discernment, where a person will have the supernatural gift of deciphering what spirit is of God and what spirit is of the devil (1 Corinthians 12:10), every believer is expected to discern what is good and evil (Psalm 119:9, Matthew 10:16). Holiness is our barometer for living, not what is cool or popular within the culture (1 Peter 1:15). Ask yourself is my fear of missing out (FOMO) fuelled by the fear of not being seen as cool?

Fear God, not man

Whilst some people may have no fear of being cool, they may have fear of man. Fear of what others will think, fear that they may be accused of being too legalistic or fear of being labelled boring. Whilst these fears are understandable, they are still sinful. These fears declare that what human beings think or feel are above what God thinks or feels. Jesus has a word for us who have these fears “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). Contextually, Jesus was talking about persecution however we can apply it to the occasions where we may participate in things we ought not to because we fear what man would say. Jesus says fear God, don’t fear man. The worst that a human can do to you is kill you, and if you’re in Christ, to die is gain anyway (Philippians 1:21).

Satisfied with Christ

A maxim that I grew up with was “it’s not everything they do you must do”, as many of these African proverbs, there is much wisdom we can glean from them. As Christians it’s not every show we can watch, motive we can go to and conversation we can participate in. In Christ, we have been raised to new life (Romans 6:4, Colossians 3:1), been given a new mind (1 Corinthians 2:16) to live in a new way (2 Corinthians 5:17). With this new life we have in Christ we should have a taste for new delights. This doesn’t mean that we can’t do anything that unbelievers do, what it does mean is that there should be a clear distinction between those in Christ and those who are not (Acts 11:26). When we were in darkness we pursued sin but now that we have been illuminated with the light of the gospel our new pursuit is the glory of God (2 Corinthians 4:3-6). If this is the case then everything we do has to be with the aim of making much of Jesus who didn’t just save us from sin, but now through Him, we are adopted by God as beloved children (Romans 8:12-17). Beloved children have tasted and seen that God is good (Psalm 34:8) and when you have, you realise that the things of the world no longer have the same flavour they once did.

To find out more about battling with FOMO, listen to the latest episode of On The Table below:

We often reflect on the past with a myriad of regret. We wish that we hadn’t done many things. We wish many things hadn’t been done to us. Often this regret morphs into a haunting fear that our disdained past will follows us and threaten the bright future that we look forward to. How can we combat the burdensome fear of history repeating itself and look towards the future with a healthy perspective?

You are a product of your past

Acceptance. Accept what is. Our history is not supposed to read as a glorified highlight reel. If your past is anything like mine, then tragedy has been interwoven with joy, mistakes with triumph. More importantly, your history has shaped who you are, you are not completely separate from your past. In fact, your past experiences have a hand at play when it comes to the decisions you make today.

However, it is the very reason why many people are fearful of history repeating itself. Your mind’s rhetoric might ring in this fashion; ‘Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes?’ ‘Why do I end up dating the same kind of person?’ ‘Why do I keep losing friends?’ What if I end up just like my mum/dad?’ We understand the relationship that the past and the future have. However, what we sometimes forget is that simply hoping and deciding that our history and the optimism of our future would simply unlink arms and go their separate ways, isn’t likely. Some of us are trying to avoid becoming like our parents without realising that we are our parents’ children. Years spent watching them live has meant that we have their habits ingrained in our minds, in the same way that the alphabet and times tables they taught us, were repeatedly rehearsed to us. We may forget that bad habits die hard, and the comfort of routine and familiarity might mean the dysfunctional historical trends of our past are harder to shake off than we think.

Along with acceptance, should come the realisation that simply unlearning won’t do and that we need something greater than ourselves to change.

You are a product of grace

Our efforts, then, to unlearn what we have spent years reciting can seem wasteful or unproductive. While trying to simply shake off incorrect practice might prove unsuccessful, we shouldn’t be discouraged or fearful when we see signs of the past poke through in our present relationships. Instead, we should rejoice. Why? Because Christ offers himself as the antidote. 

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:1-2

The gospel boasts transformative work, by God’s mercy, through Christ’s death and resurrection, means as believers we experience a transformation that according to John Piper, ‘is a profound, blood-bought, Spirit-wrought change from the inside out.’ That is to say, the Holy Spirit, through whom Christ was raised from the dead, works now through us changing our mindset’s affection. The heart is invisibly transformed – our dysfunctional nature changed forever. That which is the evidence of Holy Spirit’s work in us- its fruit so to speak, might be yet to show an appearance or become visible but one thing is clear, we are no longer slaves to sin.

⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.⁵ For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶ For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin

Romans 6:4-6

Sanctification is progressive 

Ultimately these changes do not happen overnight, therefore do not be disheartened if the change is slow. Gradually our default to destructive, dead-worthy habits that we struggle with within our relationships that cause friction, conflict and misery, are replaced with deep contemplation of our actions in light of God’s Word. A contemplation which ruminates on the desire for change in our actions and the outcome of our broken relationships. Contemplation that forces us onto our knees and mumble desperate petitions in prayer for God to change our responses and to give us wisdom and grace to make better decisions instead of defaulting to habits that we have learnt over the years. Prayers which lead to small triumphs when God answers our prayers and guides us to take a step back and make better decisions during tumultuous seasons in our relationships.

Sometimes there are wins, sometimes there are regressions, but as we pray, weep, observe the Word, walk, live, think, fall and rise again, the Holy Spirit is working through all of these moments to help us grow. All the while, it is God, working and willing in us to do his good pleasure. (Phil 2:13)