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Be Humble, Sit Down

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A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of hosting Lord Michael Hastings during our ‘Gospel in a Broken World’ online conference. We spoke about humility and he gave a lot of anecdotes and examples which got me thinking- with all that we’ve seen recently in regard to attitudes towards social justice, how could more humility play a role in these discussions?

The Epitome of Humility

It’s worth noting humility is one of the abstract terms used a lot in Christianity. It’s always a good thing, we always should have more, but it’s hard to do 24/7 and by the world’s moral standard, it isn’t even all that necessary. As a result, being humble is something that can be elusive at times. Without even realising it we can let pride sneak in and become the more dominant force. Speaking from experience there are times where I have accomplished things out of pride and a sense of competitiveness, but it has been difficult to switch this off when pride became the driving force. The issue with pride is that it is addictive and self-fulfilling. The more you inflate your sense of self, the more likely you are to act in an effort to protect that sense of self.

God opposes the proud and shows favour to the humble.

– James 4:6

Jesus was the epitome of humility and He set the standard. He was the most capable man to have ever walked the Earth, a man with access to omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence, He should never have had to prove Himself or listen to the lowly opinions of those around Him. Were the disciples going to teach the Son of an all-knowing God anything useful? However, as easy as it would have been to dismiss the Pharisees who didn’t know what they were doing, or to grow frustrated with the disciples and leave them behind for still not believing after He had shown them more than enough, Jesus always remained patient and humble. He went so far as to wash their feet just to make this abundantly clear. Jesus could have acknowledged that He had access to more power than anybody in the history of mankind and lauded it over anyone that challenged Him, but instead, He took on the mantle of teacher, patient with His students and pursued a goal of enlightenment.


A Standard Set By Christ

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. Then the tempter approached him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” He answered, “It is written: Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Then the devil took him to the holy city, had him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: He will give His angels orders concerning you, and they will support you with their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Jesus told him, “It is also written: Do not test the Lord your God.” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour. And he said to him, “I will give you all these things if you will fall down and worship me.”

Matthew 4:1-11

A great example of Jesus rising above the temptations of pride and embracing humility was during His fast in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights. When Satan came to tempt Him, you see that it was a play on His pride. What else do you use to tempt a man who is clearly not beholden to bodily desires? This is worth noting for us because sometimes we feel as though because we are not committing any clear sinful deeds, that we are protected from sin but as we saw with Jesus, Satan began each new temptation with an attack on Jesus’ pride, by stating these words, “If you are the Son of God”. It reminds me of school days when someone would instigate a hostile situation by saying ‘oooooh if it were me, I wouldn’t have done that’. This is what Satan is saying to us to draw a response that says ‘If you don’t do this now, you are somehow less’ and this lie is incredibly dangerous. The truth is that refraining from such prideful temptations is the more impressive feat and the standard we as Christians should be aiming for. Even when, in a desperate final attempt, Jesus was promised the world, He was humble enough to put Gods plans and objectives above His own.

Following the Standard

Current events in the world are showing a need for humility now more than ever. While it’s not an easy task, it is the standard set by Christ. At this time, around the world, conversations are taking place that require introspection, unlearning, critiquing your own long-standing opinions, whether in regards to racism, rape culture, human rights and so much more. There is a need for humility to acknowledge that what you thought previously might be wrong, misinformed or unfair. Without this, we cannot grow and these conversations become nothing but debate for sport or shouting matches between the loudest in the room. If you cannot recognise that man cannot live off ‘his own experiences’ in the same way he cannot live off bread alone, you end up with a very lopsided and inconsiderate view of others because you haven’t experienced their lives. We all have blind-spots and areas in which we do not understand the complexities of living and it requires humility to acknowledge these blind spots and want to address them. 

 


For Christians, a key theme of our relationship with Christ is the movement from darkness to light, from chaos to peace, from confusion to understanding. In this way, empathy and understanding for people who do not yet understand the complexities of an issue should be second nature to us. We should be eager to rush into opportunities that help people grow and have a chance at redemption, not to make us feel smarter but from a desire to help. While I understand it is not humane to ask the oppressed to have patience with their oppressors, if ultimately education and addressing a disconnect in understanding is the goal, it will require the humility to sit with your oppressor and impart knowledge as Jesus did with a world that rejected and lynched Him. I don’t think I could call the entire world to sit with people who have systematically oppressed them but I do think I can make the call to Christians, as we are assisted by grace and Christ has given us the role of advocacy and mediation.

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on his outer clothing, He reclined again and said to them, “Do you know what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord- and you are speaking rightly since that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done for you. Truly I tell, a servant is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

John 13:12-17

We are all now His sent messengers in a world that will not always love us or receive our message. We are sent to be an example of humility, washing the feet of those around us. Not only this, but we were sent by the epitome of love and patience and as He says in John 13:16, “no messenger is greater than the one who sent him.” None of us are above reproach and are above being wrong, none of us have seen from all points of view and none of us are above engaging the with the curious and those looking to grow. Therefore we should look to Jesus, following His footsteps and example of humility, being lights that shine in the darkness of this broken world that seeks self before others.

The Way, The Truth, The Life

Strolling by the Quays in Salford is one of my favourite ways to unwind in Greater Manchester. The sun shimmering on the waters and forms a picturesque backdrop against the BBC and ITV studios. On this occasion I was joined by a friend of mine. At one point, the conversation steered toward faith and evangelism. She expressed a thought which has been on all our minds at one point or another: “I don’t feel like I have the right to tell someone what they believe is wrong”. The question revealed her heart for God and desire not to offend others which I admired. Hence, I replied to the question as lovingly and faithfully to the Gospel as I could.

Not All Religions are the Same

Many believe that the major world religions are fundamentally the same but only different on a superficial level. Contrary to popular opinion, this is false. For example, one similarity (especially for monotheistic religions), concerns the issue of how people may be brought into right standing with a holy God. Another is the question of what happens to us after we die. How each religion answers these questions varies dramatically, exposing their vast and crucial differences. Not all religions are the same. They are fundamentally different, with some superficial similarities, therefore requiring one to be true.

What is Truth?

“Everyone has their own truth” is a popular maxim in our day. This is rooted in the postmodernist thought which has borne a cataclysmic impact on Western Europe. Truth is no longer considered objective and absolute. However, for the sake of logic (and the sake of Christ), this can’t be so. Truth by its very definition demands objectivity. If not, we can never be certain of anything from life, from history, to the present and future things to come- should it be founded upon subjective thought/feeling. Surely for someone to build upon and devote their whole life to a particular faith, they ought to know whether it is true or not.

Yahweh is God

Yahweh (YHWH) is the Hebrew name by which God identified Himself to Moses in the burning bush (Exodus 3:13-14). He is the eternal, self-existent God as communicated by declaring “I am who I am.” This was used to form the central tenet of Judaism in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 known as the Shema. Verse 4 comprises just four words in Hebrew, “Yahweh our God, Yahweh One” (with the word “is” being implicit).

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a]

Deuteronomy 6:4 

This emphatically asserts that there is only one God. All other gods are idols because Yahweh is the one and only true God (Isaiah 45:5-6). God has revealed Himself as Yahweh with this being the Covenant name of God by which He is associated with Israel and His promise to Abraham (Exodus 3:15). Therefore, Allah, Buddha and Krishna are not different names for the same God. There is only one God, and His name is Yahweh.

One Way to God

Jesus strongly affirmed that there is only one God (Matthew 22:36-40 and Mark 12:28-30). He also proclaimed that there is only one way to Him.

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:5-6 

Moments before at the Passover, Jesus told His disciples that He would depart from them. Jesus encouraged them not to be troubled, for He was going to the Father’s dwelling place (heaven). He would prepare a place for His disciples to join Him there when He returns for them at His second coming.

Not all roads lead to this destination, it is a one-way road, and that road is Jesus. In claiming to be the Truth Jesus equated Himself with the Law of God as the authoritative standard of righteousness. In perfectly fulfilling the law of God, He is the Truth (Matthew 5:17). In His life, death and resurrection, He became the source of all life, physical and eternal.

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

Acts 4:12 

For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,

1 Timothy 2:5

Jesus Proved It

To claim to be the exclusive way to God is an incredibly bold statement. Some may call it arrogant. However, we can be fully persuaded that this is indeed true because of the most important event in the history of the world: the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Raising Himself up on the third day demonstrated that Jesus did what He said He would do (John 2:18-22; 10:16-18). It gives certainty that the resurrected Christ will bring His disciples safely home (John 14:1-4). We are assured that the dead in Christ and those who are alive, in Him, will be raised with Him (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). The resurrection guarantees us that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life because God’s plan for redemption was accomplished through the Son’s sacrifice on the cross on our behalf and was accepted by the Father.

We Must Share the Truth

Surely for someone to build upon and devote their whole life to a particular faith, they ought to know whether it is true or not. There is one God and one way to Him, Jesus Christ, making Christianity the truth. It is more loving to share the truth with someone rather than leaving them in a lie with perilous eternal consequences. This requires us to respectfully and lovingly share the Gospel with people of different religions/no religion at all. My next article shall explore how we may do so.

Will We Ever See Complete Justice in Our Lifetime?

The Plight of the Black Woman

Oluwatoyin Salau. Breonna Taylor. Joy Morgan. What do these names have in common? Over the past few weeks, it feels like the derelict and neglected status of the black woman has finally managed to capture the world’s attention. Yet while the black woman’s plight has only just slightly met the media’s gaze, there still seems to be a veil of invisibility that cloaks dark-skinned black women and their experiences.

When it matters, black women seem to be ignored by the media, they are misplaced, unknown, neglected by society – they have become lost causes, and the media circus only seems to arrive when it is too late. I know there are women, who like myself, are trying their best to fight the cynical thoughts that want to convince us that the current support of the black woman’s cause is simply the fashion of the times and that soon enough, the plight of the dark-skinned black woman will soon fade into its wonted anonymity and alienation.

Who Cares?…

‘Who cares for little Black girls, Black teens, Black women?’, were the words that resonated from Gabrielle Union as she paid tribute to the murdered 19-year-old black woman and activist Oluwatoyin Salau whose body was discovered a week after she had gone missing, and a week after she had alerted the world of her vulnerability and the danger she was exposed to, while the world failed to pay attention. Yet again. Via a series of, what people now describe as ‘immortalised’ tweets, she detailed her sexual assault by a man she trusted to support her in her displaced lodging condition. Ironically the same timeline that neglected to raise alert to her sexual assault case until it was too late, was set ablaze by the uproar from exhibitions of black women detailing their experiences of sexual assault. The very same timeline, weeks prior, put several UK influencers on trial for their colourist tweets which were unearthed from 6-8 years ago.

While many users thought it necessary to play ‘judge, jury and executioner’ in bid to vindicate black women by cancelling key figures for their colourism and misogynism, the real question is ‘who cares for little Black girls, Black teens and Black women?’ Who cares for them enough to not subject them to comments that demean their physicality, hair and the colour of their skin in the first place? Who cares for them enough to pay attention to their pleas for help when they are sexually assaulted, physically abused, when their lives are put in danger, and to act swiftly before it is too late? Who cares for them enough to pursue rightful justice when they are murdered by police and civilians alike, even when the rest of the world has moved on and forgotten their case? Cancelling people that mistreat black women does nothing but soothe our own sense of self-righteousness. What about the lifetime cause of protecting black women? How many Toyins would still be alive? How many Breonnas would have their killers found guilty? How many Joys would be found and safe at home with their families?

The Reality of The Matter

The reality is we all fall short when it comes to accomplishing justice. Many activists have noted that the ‘Black Lives Matter’ protests highlight the need for fair treatment of black lives, despite centring its focus on the protection of black men, while also ignoring the oppression of  black women who are being silently abused and sexually violated by the very same cohort that insists that ‘black lives have always mattered.’ A justice that is partial is still injustice.

The explanation for our inability to carry out perfect justice is that we are imperfect humans. In much simpler terms, we are sinners. We are predisposed to biases that make our judgment about justice flawed and erroneous. We inherently seek to serve ourselves. Even when we look out for those who are marginalised in our society, we are unconsciously desiring to satisfy our flawed and improper moral compass which is dictated by our own feelings and defective bias.

Even if we wanted to carry out righteous justice for Black Lives in all its capacity by; protecting and ensuring the dignified treatment of black women, bringing police brutality and racial injustice to the forefront of our society’s worldview, and compelling the legal and education system to take into account its systematic racism and rebuild its systems – we would still fall short, each and every time. Why? Because apart from Christ we do not know what it means to be perfect. Our failure to be perfect warrants our inability to carry out perfect justice. Who wants perfect justice anyways you might ask? Oluwatoyin. Breonna. Joy. Black women who are dead and soon to be largely forgotten by a world consisting of humans like you and me, who in our inability to carry out perfect justice are instead part of a society that invokes injustice which kills black women such as these. Black women that look like me. Black women who look like someone you call mother, sister, wife or friend.

Through Christ. Alone.

However, thankfully the Gospel transcends these societal struggles. We all desire to see the end of racism in our lifetime. We all wish to see the end of misogyny(noir) in our lifetime. We all hope to see the end of all injustices in our lifetime. There is one way in which we will be able to see such a reformative transformation in the history of mankind. And that way is through Christ. Alone.

In John 4, Jesus demonstrates the perfect example of restoring justice on a micro-level when He converses with the depraved Samaritan woman at the well, who is a social pariah in her community. Being a social outcast in the same way that dark-skinned black women have been relegated to, as a double minority in society, we see Jesus choose to engage with her and meet her at a time when no-one else would. At that moment, Jesus not only shows Himself to be an advocate for the oppressed woman but by acknowledging and respecting her as a woman made in the Imago Dei (God’s image and likeness). Despite the social and moral stigma attached to her past and her identity, He proves to do more to support the cause of the marginalized woman than a lot of us would do in the 21st century.

However, this is simply microcosmic in terms of how He is the author of perfect justice in our humanity. Unlike us, who are only physically capable of restoring justice to a certain measure, Christ is able to provide total reformative justice by transforming one place that the whole of humanity is unable to reach. The heart. Although the Samaritan woman has been sinned against by the unjust treatment of her society, she, herself is a sinner and has made mistakes in her past. As we all have. The Bible tells us in Romans 3:23 – ‘all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.’ We have all fallen short, and that makes us, as well as the Samaritan woman, perfect candidates for a Redeemer. We all need Jesus to give us His ‘living water’ (John 4:10). The living water that Jesus describes here, symbolises the work of the Holy Spirit which is applied in our hearts because of His redemptive work, His death on the cross and resurrection. This work in our hearts both completely satisfies our needs as well as gives us new desires, and pure motives to live by.

It is not just the police who kill our black men and women or the men in our society who endanger and abuse and sexually assault our women, who are in need of Jesus to give them new hearts, new desires and new motives; it’s all of us who need a redemptive transformation. None of us are innocent. We have all lied, stolen, decided to mind our own business or failed to act, and in some shape or form contributed in various measures to the injustice we see in our society, whether big or small. We have all sinned at some point in our lives because we are inherently wired to break the perfect commandments and moral principles, designed by God, making us sinful by nature.

Until the whole of humanity comes to accept their need for Jesus and His ‘Living Water’ to change their hearts, the world will not witness the complete reformative justice that it longs to see. As Christians, our job is to cling to this truth and ardently preach the Gospel of God’s redemptive power through Christ alone. Until Jesus returns and complete justice is restored, let us not waver in our faith but encourage ourselves and others with the Gospel in the face of the injustices that we see.

Discussing Injustice with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

Our director, Mike Omoniyi, was one of three people invited to take part in a special discussion on justice and equality with The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, hosted by the Queen’s Commonwealth Trust (QCT).

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are the President and Vice President of the QCT.  The Trust exists to champion, fund and connect young leaders around the world, helping to inform its future direction.

The meeting was one of the QCT’s weekly discussions with young people, assessing the impact of various forms of injustice on the experiences of young people today in response to the Black Lives Matter Movement.

In the conversation, Mike emphasised the importance of humility when discussing and tackling racism:

“After pressing send online, people need to roll up their sleeves and do the work… There’s a whole host of things that mean to be an ally but the impetus has to be humility, kindness and a willingness to learn new things.”

This was echoed by the Duchess who stressed how crucial it was to “know when to lead and know when to listen.”

It is greatly encouraging to see people from such high positions and large spheres of influence demonstrate a strong willingness to grapple with the problem. This was strongly communicated the Duchess who encouraged the leaders:

“Keep up the incredible work and know that we are right there with you, standing in solidarity. We’re going to get there…and we have a lot of renewed faith and energy in that having had this conversation.”

This was also well-captured by the Duke:

“The optimism and the hope that we get is from listening and speaking to people like you because there is no turning back now, everything is coming to a head. Solutions exist and change is happening far quicker than it ever has done before.”

Humility is of vital importance in addressing racial inequality and injustice. As Christians, we are to demonstrate the same humble and compassionate spirit displayed by Jesus Christ when interacting with those who are pained by unjust treatment.

 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Colossians 3:12

To watch the full discussion Click here.

To learn more about OGGM’s work and material, click here.

Praying Through The Darkness

Day four of this 5-day event was centered on Praying through the darkness. Praying through dark times is hard. What do I pray? Will I be heard? Why is this happening? These are questions we’ve all asked ourselves at one point or another. In spite of this, if there is one thing that is needed during this time, it is prayer. “Prayer is doubts destroyer, ruin’s remedy, the antidote to all anxieties”, this quote from Spurgeon emphasizes the need of prayer, especially in these dark times. So what role does prayer play in our lives? How important is it to us? Is it our first or last resort? Are your circumstances pushing you towards or away from prayer?


Stacie Reeser is the lead pastor and Co-director of the Ramp Church Manchester and on this day delivered a sermon giving us greater insight on how to pray through the darkness. In this sermon, Stacie also responds to many of our poignant, important questions about prayer. If you’re struggling to pray during difficult times, struggling to see where God is in your situation, you’ll love this sermon!

Dealing with Loss

Day three of this 5-day event was centered around the topic of dealing with loss. Dealing with loss has become a frequent reality in thousands of households during this period where more than 40,000 people in the UK, both Christians and Non-Christians, both rich and poor, both young and old, have died of COVID-19-related deaths. This epidemic has left people broken, fearful, and unsure of how to handle the loss of their relatives or how to talk to someone who is dealing with loss. No matter who you are, understanding how to deal with loss has become paramount.

Femi Kalejaiye was part of the pastoral team at Rediscover Church Exeter, and served as an operational pastor whilst leading the youth ministry and on this day delivered a powerful sermon, giving us advice on how to cope with loss through a Gospel lens with the using the example of Thessalonians, a church with frequently dealt with loss and suffering. Here he responds to many of our poignant, important questions. If you are dealing with any type of loss, this sermon will truly bless you.

The Gospel: A Response to a Broken World


To finish off our 5-day event we focused on The Gospel: A Response to a Broken World. During this season, whether we consider the Black Lives Matter movement or the COVID-19 epidemic, we all have questions, and ‘difficult’ questions at that. What does God want us to do? How should we respond to social injustice? Why is God allowing suffering? How do I change the world? All these ‘difficult’ questions have a very ‘simple’ answer. The Gospel. The good news. The promise of the coming of the kingdom of God. The world is in desperate need of it. Now more than ever.

Mike is the Founder and Director of Our God Given Mission (OGGM), a Christian charity of 20 trustees built on sharing, demonstrating, and defending the Gospel of Jesus Christ. OGGM through articles, videos, and events shares the undiluted Gospel of Jesus Christ. Mike is also the founder and CEO of  The Common Sense Network the first 100% independently funded news new network for millennials in the UK.

Here, Mike gives an empowering sermon on how to respond to the broken state of our world and how we, no matter how insignificant we may feel, can change the world. He then answers important questions that have been on the minds of millions. If you wish to change the world, or if you’re looking to truly understand the Gospel, you’ll love this sermon!

Living Hope

Day two of this 5-day event was focused on living hope. Look at the current state of this world. It is no secret that hope is one of the hardest things to find. Instead, it is significantly easier to perceive chaos, tragedy, and darkness. True hope is finding light in the midst of all of it. Those who choose hope over pessimism, belief over disbelief, optimism over cynicism, are the people who will find this light and be this light as they will cause change. Learning to stay hopeful irrespective of our circumstances remains one of the most important lessons of this life.

Lord Hastings, Chancellor of Regent’s University and Independent Peer at the House of Lords, spoke to us on Living Hope. Here he tells us encouraging, heart-wrenching stories, and gives us spiritual and pragmatic advice on how to remain hopeful, even in dark circumstances. If you’re looking for hope in these uncertain times, you’ll love this sermon!

Dealing with Pain

Day one of this 5-day event began with us tacking, head-on, the issue of pain. When we look around the world, pain seems to be everywhere. It does. not relent and no matter how much money, power or things we acquire, no barricade is strong enough to resist pain. The uniqueness of this season cannot be overstated. Pain has been exposed on a systemic level; whether we consider the Black Lives Matter movement or the externalities created by the COVID-19 epidemic, we are all in pain.

Joe is a renowned leader, speaker & Pastor of the Ramp Church Manchester and on this day delivered a sermon helping us see pain through Gospel lenses. In this sermon, Joe gives spiritual and practical advice on what we should do when experiencing pain of any kind. If you’re currently dealing with any type of pain, you’ll love this sermon.

Can We Find Hope in Our Grief?

“Grief is powerful and grief is not wrong, however, if it is left to fester it can be a hunting ground for the Devil. A defect in our understanding of God, leads to a defect in our hope, which leads to a defect in the way we grieve.” – Femi Kalejaiye shares these words, during his sermon, where he delves into the topic of Dealing with Loss (here).

Grief

Grief. Growing up in church I always had a misinterpretation of grief that made me feel like an impostor to the experience. I followed suit in the example that I’d witnessed by many of my aunties and uncles, my mother and father, church mothers and deacons; I never displayed my grief publicly. It slowly became harder to even experience grief alone. I remember when my mum’s best friend (who was practically a second mother to me) died in 2010, I remember feeling like a zombie as I walked past her open coffin, stone cold and expressionless. People around me wailed and wept till the last chair was put away, and the final light in the church was turned off, but even on the silent ride back home, I still could not cry a tear. I felt guilty. She was gone but I convinced myself that I hadn’t properly grieved her because of the my absence of tears.

I had clearly misunderstood an essential thing about grief – that is neither linear nor is it monolithic in experience. However, I had also misunderstood another thing. I grew up thinking Christians were not meant to feel grief let alone display it. Empty platitudes such as ‘All is well’, ‘Praise God anyhow’, ‘He will fix it’ and ‘I’m not sad, but blessed and highly favoured’, were commonplace in my church upbringing. During times of grief, not only were they unhelpful, they were insensitive, superficial and untruthful responses to the experience of pain and suffering. When I look back I wonder how much the owners of these responses were suffocated by the false invincibility that God does not call them to bear in the first place?

Although I am probably an unqualified candidate to speak about dealing with loss and experiencing grief as my encounter with it has been scarce in comparison to others, I would like to share some truths that I believe will encourage you when grief comes knocking on your door. Because it will happen, it is inevitable. That’s the first truth.

Grief Wears Many Faces

One thing I wish someone told me as a child when I was unable to cry while dealing with the loss of a loved one, was that I was in fact still grieving nonetheless. Grief is a varied experience and looks different for everyone. Job wept whilst feeling suicidal (Job 3:1-26). Hannah refused to eat (1 Sam 1:7). Saul fell into manic depression (1 Sam 16:14, 18:9-12). I’ve spoken with close friends during acute periods of their grief, who have told me some days they felt numb. That grief made it difficult for them to process their emotions. Some days they felt like they had their grief well-managed; they were able to go outside and have fun with friends and enjoy the beauty of life. Other days their grief felt uncontrollable and the wave of sadness overwhelmed them to the point that the beauty of life was marred with pain and they felt no reason or need to leave their bed.

The psychologist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross notes down the ‘Five Stages of Grief’ :

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

It is important to acknowledge that all waves of grief whether it’s numbness from denial, rage from anger, or endless tears from sadness and depression; these all are normal responses to the brokenness we feel in relation to suffering and pain, especially when dealing with loss from death. Even more so, we must not forget that each of us in our experience of grief may fall on different places on this scale. In addition, it is more than likely that we will move forwards and backwards during different periods of dealing with loss. Grief wears many different faces and we must be willing to embrace all these differences in both ourselves and others.

As Christians, we must discard the misconception that these emotions are signs of unbelief or lack of faith. Instead, we must embrace the truth that God created each and every one of these emotional responses and is glorified in each of them. He has given us these emotions as a means to process our grief and suffering all while tasting His goodness, even in the saltiness of our tears. Paul himself did not encourage the saints to appear to have it all together and be strong. As seen in the words of James, we should ‘not boast and deny the truth’ (James 3:14). Paul, instead invites us to be honest in our weakness, and therefore rest and boast in the strength of Christ, the One who cares for us so much so that he implores us to cast our grief-stricken burdens onto Him (2 Cor 12:7-10 , 1 Pet 5:7)

God is Present

There is no set time span as far as grief is concerned. And we should not rush such a process. Or expect people’s grief to have an endpoint. Instead, we should take stock of the treasure we have in pain. The peace we have in torment. The joy we have in sadness. This being our God, who is entirely present with us throughout our grief. David made note of this reality in Psalm 34;

The LORD is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

While grief may feel like an unsettling deserted island, in the discomfort of our pain we must settle ourselves in the peace of Christ. During tough tides of grief when we are tempted to give up on hope, we should lift up our cry to our LORD who is waiting to listen to our groans of distress and hears intently to our pleas. He is there in a long and meaningful embrace from a sister. Or in the presence of a brother who sits with you in silence to comfort you as tears fall uncontrollably. Whether it is through His own words from Scripture or comfort from other fellow believers, He is always willing to be our respite. We have a family of God and we have God Himself. We are never alone.

We Do Not Grieve Like Others Do

Ultimately as believers, we have something that makes our grief bearable. This something is a living hope, which is the fact that our grief will not remain forever. Femi Kalejaiye highlighted during our Gospel in a Broken World event that regarding life after death, Christians face a completely different reality to unbelievers. For our loved ones who believe in the death and resurrection of Christ and trusted in Him and have now passed away, they are united with Christ; as are we, who are still alive and still believe and trust in Jesus.

God guarantees that through Jesus Christ, He will bring those who are dead in Christ along with Him so that when Christ returns we will all be caught up together to meet the Lord in the air. This is a beautiful picture that Paul paints for us, of the church, in 1 Thess 4; a spotless Bride joining with the Bridegroom and praising and worshipping Him as He ushers in a new heaven and earth. This should be something that we, who have lost our loved ones in the faith, should look forward to and anticipate with hope and relief. We will see them again. He will not allow any one of us who are in Him to be lost or left behind. We cannot be separated from Him (Rom 8:31-39). Our lives are in Him and His in us (Col 3:3, Gal2:20). This should be an encouragement to believers when they mourn the loss of other believers because even as Jesus died and rose again, God will also resurrect those who have died in Christ (1 Thess 4:14-16). This certainty should lead us to grieve differently from those who do not believe in Christ and have no hope. We should grieve in faith, expecting this day to arrive.

This day will arrive at any time, we should always be ready and anticipate this eternal reality as we watch the world fading. More importantly, it should spur us on to preach and share the Gospel with those who are not believers; our loved ones who are not in the faith, for their salvation and so that we will see them also in eternal glory, with Christ.